If I could tame a wild animal

Hawk posing by Scot Campbell (Zevotron)

When we acquired Jedidiah, (that's our new Red Tailed Hawk's name), life went from pretty good to awesome like whoa. We don't have to use UPS anymore as he carries all our mail and packages for us. He also rips the eyes out of anyone that even thinks of doing us harm. Our yard is now fully pest free, as he preys on whatever roams there. He's a great listener, and is getting me way more women than I ever could have dreamed. Just walk up to any woman at a bar, show her the slashes on your arms and say, "Man, Jedidiah our Red Tailed Hawk was really playing rough today. Almost had to go to the hospital if it wasn't for our Pheonix, Ezekiel, who was kind enough to shed some tears on me and fully restore my mangled limbs." She'll be all up ons. Trust me. Works. every. time.